2007年10月27日 星期六
Oct 27th, 2007
I just went back home from Kaohsiung. Since my part-time job have had almost ten-day break, I planned a several days trip long time ago. Finally, my friend and I decided to have our dream come true this Friday. However, because we two were really busy with our school work, none of us could make the schedule for the trip until Thursday night. At first, we were very worried about that, but in the end, we told ourselves that the reason why we want to have this trip is to relax ourselves. As a result, we just rode the scooter with the map in hand, then to the places where we would like to go. I think this was such a special experience for us. I really enjoyed that. Next time, I am going to do the other exciting thing for fun and relax.
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You might as well have written nothing as written this most uninformative paragraph. I can't imagine anything more boring that reading about someone else's enjoyable trip to someplace not specified. And all that special pleasure you and your friend had on the trip. Frankly, if you can't be bothered to tell the reader about it, then why should the reader be at all interested in what it was?
In these 144 words you have said nothing of interest. You've wasted your time, my time, and the time of anyone else who bothered to read this post.
Next time please say something worth reading. I frankly can't be bothered to say anything specific about such vague and meaningless nonsense because none of your sentences is worth bothering about.
I hope you get the message.
Sorry about my typo in the second sentence. I should have written "I can't imagine anything more boring than reading about someone else's enjoyable trip to someplace not specified.
"However, because we two were really busy with our school work, none of us could make the schedule for the trip until Thursday night."
How about-> However,none of us could make the schedule for the trip until Thursday night because we two were really busy with our school work.
*Comma Splice*
1)At first, we were very worried about that, but in the end, we told ourselves that the reason why we want to have this trip is to relax ourselves.
2)As a result, we just rode the scooter with the map in hand, then to the places where we would like to go.
Riding a scooter is interesting because you can go anywhere you want. You don't have to be limited by [more later. class is over now.]
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